


Intrusive Thoughts

by 1d6NerdDamage



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: F/F, F/M, First Fanfiction, I apologise in advance for grammar and spelling, I have never been to an American High School so this should be fun..., I have no idea how long this is going to be it just keeps happening, Jeremy is bi af, M/M, Post-Squip, There is swearing y'all have been warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-01 01:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1d6NerdDamage/pseuds/1d6NerdDamage
Summary: In Post-Squip high school Senior Year swings around. Being a part of a hive mind really brings a co-hort together, but as Jeremy realises that he is in love with his best friend - is his high school career going to get a shittone harder?





	1. Second Date

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. What was breathing? How did one breathe? Jeremy didn’t know. God, the word chill had now become the catalyst to violent, very un-chill, reactions. So that really helpful advice of _just breathe and be chill_ was not working. It was doing the opposite of working. It was very much not working. He pushed open the door, it’s cliché bell rang. She looked up and smiled, waving him over to her booth.

    “Hey,” he said

    “Hi” she replied, an awkward pause hung between them.

    “Did you have a good vacation?”

    “Yeah” she giggled, “it was great. The workshop was amazing. Like oh my God. I learnt so much. A director actually told me that I have a great career ahead of me. What about you?”

    “I just hung around with Michael and played video games”

    “That’s cool” she tapped her fingers on the bench, “sorry I couldn’t answer your calls it was just so busy”

    “Yeah, that’s cool. I’m sorry I didn’t reply much, Dad’s been imposing this no phones thing in the evenings so we bond and shit”

    “Well here we are” she beamed, trying her hardest to slaughter the awkward air pushing down on them, “second date”

    “Yeah” he smiled back at her. He’d only been waiting for this day for weeks. Months. Years. Or at least he thought he had. Him, on a date with her. With Christine. This is what he’d wanted since seventh grade. The first date went so well. He’d missed her. He had. And she’d missed him, from what he could tell from the texts he couldn’t reply to. But yet, the awkwardness. The silences that got longer and longer with every mumbled sentence. That blushing excitement, that hour long inner debate on whether he could reach down to hold her hand, the giggling, where was it? It wasn’t sitting at the table with them. It hadn’t even bothered to enter the diner.

    “Are you okay?” she asked, her fingers still tapping nervously.

    “Yeah, I’m good. I’m good. Are you?”

    “Yeah” she pushed the words out with a faux coating of enthusiasm. “I’m great” her voice lowered, “so great”. The silence returned, longer, and longer. “I’m not great”

    “You’re not”

    “No”

    “I’m not either”

    “You’re not!”

    “I have been waiting to see you again all vacation and now it-it’s just awkward”

    “So awkward” she nodded, “I don’t know what to say. I always have something to say. I feel like I am trying so hard”

    “I know” Jeremy leant across the table, “this shouldn’t be so hard. I like you. You like me. We’ve done this before. Right?”

    “Right”

    “Right!”

    “Then why is there this little voice telling me this doesn’t feel right?” she said

    “Because it doesn’t?”

    “Is it Michael?” she asked, leaning back into her seat

    “What?”

    “Your reason for this not feeling right, is it Michael?”

    “uuuuh, I don’t know-”

    “His name was Calvin. My reason. I met him at the workshop and I felt like I felt on our first date. Nothing happened, obviously. I was so excited to come home and go on this date that we have literally been planning for months. So I spent months feeling guilty and not sure how to tell you. It was like opening night X 1000. And then you walked in and your face looked like how I felt. So if we are feeling the same things, who else could it be? Like come on” she laughed, “Rich vandalised your bag like over half a year ago and you still haven’t washed it. That’s disgusting. Pretty sure I never really had a chance”

    “So Calvin” Jeremy nodded, “can he act?”

    “So much better than you”

    “Did you stay up late listening to Hamilton?”

    “He offered, but I’ve moved on to Dear Evan Hansen” she crossed her arms and leant across the table, “Did Michael take you to the arcade so you could beat all the high scores”

    “Once or twice. A week”

    “Did you romantically share 90s soft drinks under the moonlight?”

    “It was 3:30 in the afternoon, in a parking lot. I wouldn’t saw romantic”

    “Did you hold hands?”

    “Did you and Calvin?”

    “I didn’t even kiss him on stage”

    “Wow, he must have been heartbroken”

    “He wrote me a sonnet”

    “What?”

    “Full iambic pentameter”

    “Michael and I got matching tattoos”

    “You what!” the very few people turned around, the waitress raised an eyebrow, “you’re kidding” Jeremy pulled down the collar of his shirt, showing off the little pixel ghost chilling on his collarbone.

    “It glows in the dark”

    “Oh my God! I knew it”

    “That we got matching tattoos?”

    “That I never had a chance” she threw a thin napkin at him. Like we’re talking dodgy cheap paper, it didn’t make it halfway across the table. She balled it up and tried again. “Look at you with your goo-goo eyes and smug smile. I knew it”

    “I do not have goo-goo eyes”

    “So you’re telling me that you don’t feel gooey inside every time I mention Michael’s name”

    “Never”

    “You sure?”

    “Yeah” he crossed his eyes, her smile widened

    “You’re blushing”

    “I am not”

    “Whatever you say” she held up her hands in faked defensiveness “Micheal” she whispered

    “Shut up!”


	2. Aftermath

“Jeremy!” Christine skipped across the hallway, books clutched closely to her chest.

            “Oh hey. Christine”

            “You’re handling this whole ‘back to friends’ thing with your usual confidence”

            “I was awkward around you when we were friends,” Jeremy said, closing his locker. “Have you talked to Calvin yet”

            “I sent ‘hi’ this morning. My phone has been going off non-stop all morning” she said repositioning her heavy textbooks, “what about you?”

            “ _I_ haven’t talked to Calvin” she narrowed her eyes at him, in a fear-striking expression that shouldn’t have worked on her face, yet somehow did. “No. I haven’t. I don’t know what to say” he swung the locker door shut, cramming his hands into his pockets they began to walk. “I can’t just walk up and say ‘oh hey dude, just wanted to let you know I love you’, no way”

            “Well for one, try not to lead with ‘I love you’ it tends to send people into a panic. You could just ask him out to lunch. Like, I don’t know, a normal person”

            “I am not exactly normal person”

            “You right there? You were gushing your face off about him yesterday and now suddenly it’s brooding central. It doesn’t suit you. Ask the boy to lunch. You managed to ask me out you can ask him out. Just be yourself, no matter how awkward that is” a grin spread across her face “Hey Michael!”

            “What? No. Not now” she pushed up on her tippy-toes, fumbling her textbooks as she waved him over. Across the hallway, he pushed one headphone off his ear. His face lighting up as he discovered the source of the noise. “What are you doing?” Jeremy hissed

            “What? You’re not even going to talk to him until you get enough confidence to tell him. Remember last time you ignored him. He will go into a panic. As funny as it would be, I don’t think either of us wants a worried Michael pouring Mountain Dew Red down your throat with reckless abandon”

            “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say”

            “Just be yourself”

            “I am being myself, and myself is freaking out”

            “Hey Christine” Michael readjusted his bag, pulling his headphones down around his neck, “How was New York?”

            “Amazing, how was a whole summer of Jeremy”

            “Like all the others, chill”

            “Jeremy? Chill? I don’t believe it”

            “I said the summer was chill, Jeremy was not” he winked at Jeremy. Not a flirtatious wink, or even an overly suave wink. A completely over the top Michael wink. The fact it wasn’t accompanied by finger guns was a surprise to them all. “Mr. Heere invited me over to a ‘proper dinner’ and Jer freaked his shit”

            “He has never invited you over to a ‘proper family dinner’ before, I don’t know I thought he was going to tell us that he was dying and that he wanted you to adopt me. I don’t know”

            “You wish I could adopt you”

            Jeremy glanced over at Christine, he gaze was fixed solely on him. A proud smile or a stifled giggle hiding behind her lips. Jeremy was only masking awkwardness and fear, a lot of fear. Once again, he wasn’t exactly sure how breathing worked and Christine was not helping.

            “Oh wow, I just remembered. I have to talk to Rich before first period. Do you think he’ll be at school yet? Shit, I can’t believe I forgot” she readjusted her books one final time, backing away from the pair, Jeremy shot her a pleading look, she rolled her eyes at him “I’ll see you guys at lunch. Lunch good? Awesome” with a final wave she skipped off into the stream of excited students screaming at friends they hadn’t seen in what was probably only 24 hours.

            “Is she a little weird to you?” Michael asked, watching her go

            “What, uh. No. I mean, she’s always a little weird. Not like any more than usual. Wh- why do you ask?”

            “Did I interrupt something?”

            “No. Of course not. There was nothing. Nothing. Happening before you came over here. Just chatting, about stuff. Like people do” he cringed at himself, praying to God that Michael didn’t notice. But how exactly does one ignore that level of awkward

            “You and your girlfriend, were just chatting. About stuff. Like people do? Dude, what’s up with you?” he lowered his voice “Is the, you know, back?”

            “No. No. No. Defiantly not. And – um” Jeremy clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth “She’s not my girlfriend, anymore”

            “What! Since when?”

            “Yesterday”

            “Why?”

            “It just kinda happened”

            “So your break up just kinda happened and now you are just chatting. About stuff. Like people do? Are you sure you’re alright?”

            “I am fine. Tip top. So great. Fantastic. You know what I needed to help Brooke with something for History”

            “It’s the first day of school”

            “She’s scared she’ll fall behind. She wants to graduate this year and like with all the other stuff she’s planning to do. I promised I would help. She messaged me last night, and I totally blanked. She’s going to be waiting. I will. See you. At lunch. Cool. Lunch is a thing. Christine probably has our whole group seating arrangement planned out. I will see you then. Great” he spun around, gripping his bag strap.

            “Bye” Michael called out as Jeremy disappeared into the mass of bubbly conversations. Everyone around him managing to hold normal, human conversations with their friend. Not a single one of them sounding like a total dumbass. Not a single one of them running away like an idiot.

            “Real smooth” he muttered to himself, “real fucking smooth”

             


End file.
